Hi my name is A.J. Mahari.
I am 51 years young and this web site, the very first web site
I first created online 12 years ago now has been very much a process reflecting
my growth and healing. I have many Other Web sites, 3 Blogs,
and 3 Audio Podcasts you may want to check out.
It is my goal to have as much information here on the issues that
the email lists I have cover and any other general issues that are
also relevant to the journeys undertaken by the countless numbers
of souls who are in need and quest of recovery.
I am a sexual abuse survivor and this has been a very central
reality that has defined my life, and also defined me, for years
in my life. Having re-defined myself, if you will, through a lot of
past therapy and my own self help efforts I would now say that I am
in a fairly good place in my life. A place that is emotionally peaceful
from the inside out. A place of self-acceptance as I am for who I am, in
all that may or may not mean.
My experience on the web has been very much about learning and
growing, healing and finding myself. I think that it is amazing that
we now have this type of outlet to share our stories, our struggles,
challenges, our pasts and our present journeys with each other, as
sexual abuse survivors, as Borderlines (or recovered Borderlines),
those on the Autism Spectrum, Multiples, Co-dependents, those with
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and all those who seek to better
understand someone they care about in their lives who is challenged
by mental illness. Even more importantly, this medium allows us, as
human beings, and as soul's longing to find our place in the
world ... and to define and realize our goals and our dreams in
our lives, to seek out and share information and experience giving
us a powerful tool to enhance our growth and recovery. Knowledge is
indeed power. Self-knowledge is freedom.
I have come to understand that each of us, indeed, does have
a place in this hectic and often over-burdened world of ours.
This place is found within our individual spirit, deep down
inside of ourselves. This place, my place in the world, your
place in the world, truly exists and awaits your welcoming it
with open arms into your everyday experience. This place, is
the place inside of you, where you meet, greet, and accept your
authentic self. It is where you will also find the best friend
that you can ever have in this world. Your place in the world
must first be claimed from inside of yourself, from your inner world.
Then from this place, you can seek to better define and enhance
the other places that are yours, or that you want to be yours, in
It is my hope that you will find something that enables you to
keep journeying toward your desired goals in life as you read what
I have assembled and or written myself here for you.
I am a great believer that we can heal, we can change, we can find
happiness and some measure of peace in life....if we just remain true
to our own processes, true to ourselves. I hope that you will remain
true to yourself and that you will be strong and determined, as I am,
we must not ever give up or give in....we must heal all of the way,
come all of the way back...for we deserve nothing less.
© A.J. Mahari, February 24, 2006 with an added up-date January 6, 2009
Pets are Amazing Gifts!
See My Dog Lucy
See my dog Lucy's Puppy Pics Lucy
2008 Pictures of my dogs Tyler and Lucy and my cat Baylee
My Facebook Pet Pics Album (new - more pics coming)
In Memory of Mandy and Duke Will be back up soon
From recent experience I must add here that for each of us,
"coming all the way back" will look and feel differently. We will
each measure this in our own ways based upon our own experiences. There
was a time when I thought that healing sort of meant just being
"normal" like everyone else. Funny thing is, having come such
a long way on my journey now, I realize that truly there is no such
thing as "normal". There is also not an everyone else. There
is no "all healed and perfectly normal everyone else" out there.
There are the various "average" things that are desired or seen
as popular in the main but that is not something that has to be
held up to some light and that we have to be compared to in order
to define our success. No ... each one of us will make it back, to
our essence, to our authenticity, in our own ways, and we will apply
what that means in our lives in many different, individual and
creative ways. I'm thankful for a much more profound understanding
of not only myself, (had another 'round of group therapy August
15th - November 20th, 2001) but also of others in terms of how they
differ from me, and how I differ from them.
So many recent lessons and discoveries have taught me much more
about myself and the sum total of that experience has led me to the
realization that for most of us when we seek to heal there aren't any
final answers. In that, there are, at times, things that we will instead
come to learn are "normal" and okay for us. Sometimes, we get to a place
in the journey where accepting ourselves as we are is the greatest
gift we can hope to give ourselves, regardless of whether others
understand us or not and in spite of how others may see us,
experience us, or judge us. And that's okay. There is no need
Depending upon what our issues are, in many cases, we have to learn
to live and to cope effectively with those issues understanding that
they will remain to one degree or another in our experience. It is
the celebration of who we are, regardless, through self-acceptance
that is the achievement of "coming all the way back".
After all, the place that any healing journey seeks to
bring us all the way back to is that essential individual essence
(authentic self) that makes each one of us who, he/she truly is.
When I realized this I knew that I had not only "come all the way back
in terms of what that means to me personally, but, that I have indeed, finally,
found home. I am home inside of myself, still working toward
more self-acceptance and getting stronger every day. I am home now.
Home is understanding that no matter how far you've come on your journey,
there is more to seek -- life is about growing more, understanding more, learning more,
and putting the combined total of our experience, thoughts, and feelings into postive
loving action. Home is about being open and vulnerable. It is about leaving behind
the closed protected, defended wounded child and letting your adult self soar in
your here and now.
Home is the acceptance of self that we all desire, long for and
often have to search so hard for. Stop looking in all the wrong places. Look
inside where that most precious self awaits the gracious gift of your
company, support, compassion and love.
It is this gift of love and acceptance of your self that forms an authentic
relationship within your self that is required in order for you to
truly and authentically relate to others.
We give to others as we learn to better treat ourselves with positive, accepting
loving regard. We need to validate and satiate ourselves from the inside out to
truly experience the kind of self acceptance that frees us to love.
© A.J. Mahari (soul), November 28, 2001 with an addendum to the 5th last
paragraph on December 16, 2002. And with the addition of the last four paragraphs
July 27, 2004.
Shambhala : Sacred Path of the Warrior is a book, that
among other things, discusses the importance of getting to know
your authentic self and how to live from and within that authenticity.
Shambhala : Sacred Path of the Warrior
by Chogyam Trungpa, Carolyn Rose Gimian (Editor)
Presents the code of the warrior as a way for modern men
and women to meet the challenges of life with fearlessness
Although it gives very little on the tenets of living as a
modern warrior, this book easily relates the ethics of the
warrior with everyday life. It guides us to be true ("genuine")
to ourselves, to break out of our self-deception, to overcome
fear, to see goodness passed the darknees around, and to
experience the magic of our lives. Also, it directs us to
lead ourselves, and those we care for, toward an enlightened
society. It honestly is a very easy read, as we can all
relate to the message it gives and the various points made.
Many people find peace, love and contentment in many places
in life. For me, one of the greatest sources of these gifts,
outside of myself, is my pets. I'd like to share them with you
"They say knowledge is power...but...I never
knew ME until now" --Michelle Malone
"In truth it is life that gives unto life
--- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are
but a witness." --Kahlil Gibran
"My past is nothing more than the trail that
I have left behind. What drives my life today is
the energy that I generate in my present moments."
--Dr. Wayne Dyer
"To accuse others for one's own misfortunes
is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself
shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither
oneself nor others shows one's education is complete."
A.J.'s Soul Philosophy Audio Podcast
Prose from the 'Soul'
Soul's Poetry 1
Soul's Poetry 2
Soul's Poetry 3
as of September 29, 1997
This page and all pictures © A.J. Mahari 1997-2009 and was
last up-dated May 7, 2009