Poetry By Soul Page 2
I thought it was I
that was the one who was so determined to die.
You never hinted that you'd try
Now, it is too late, and I was not able to say good-bye.
My heart aches,
I loved you so, and in the moment that it takes,
the culmination of all of life's mistakes,
you killed yourself, the most final of all breaks.
What will I do tomorrow,
when you are not here for me, with all of my sorrow?
Why did you have to go?
We fought often, but I did love you so.
A lifetime of knowing you
gone just like that, in a blackened moment, out of the blue.
I am so sorry there was nothing I could do.
If only you'd come to me, talked to me, trusted God to pull you through.
How can I say good-bye?
You were my a wonderful lady, like the mother I never had, you inspired me to try,
to live, to fight, to splash in the river of life til God leaves it dry.
How can I say good-bye?
A.J. Mahari (soul)
OPPOSITES
Here, no, there:
somewhere between the black and the white,
is the gray, that exists in the shadows of right and wrong,
up and down, fat and thin, inside and outside.
Inside of me there is a vast veneration of valor,
victoriously validating a hungry heartache.
Sorrow, joy-filled; sorrow,
rises and falls,
from the outside of all that lives inside of me.
There is the right and the left, each encroaching upon the center,
the core, the soul, the seed, the beginning and the ending of life, of day.
The infant's cries, mocking the old woman's sighs, the breeze pretending to
be wind,
serves to restrict the freedom of the clouds, in the sky, measuring the
days as they pass by.
Tall tales come to rest upon a short comparison to reliable folklore.
Mountain peaks scrape the blue, gray, white, black sky;
like the truth: grates; much of the unwisely wise.
Blatantly-cryptic, voiceless veracity; silently-screaming.
The more I know, the more I know that I don't know.
What of the ones who don't know what they know,
do they end up knowing even less of what they thought they knew?
Is knowledge filling, or is knowledge emptying?
Good, bad, fat, thin, happy, sad, sure, unsure,
the feelings, the realities of humanity, hopelessly-helplessly-capable?
Here, no; there:
somewhere, between the black and the white.
A.J. Mahari (soul)
(Toward) UNDERSTANDING AND LETTING GO
Where you often stood,
the sound of your voice, your laughter, both echo, still.
The emptiness that you once filled, is now vacant.
Where you often stood, I find myself gazing, in fully-empty emotional moments.
Vast inner space, void, empty, suddenly unfulfilled.
Inverted reality, upside down, foggy, disoriented, reeling, orbiting all that was.
What was once so familiar, is today, so strange.
Where there was gravity, there is now a sense of drifting aimlessly out
into a darkened and moaning black galaxy, of being so lost without you in orbit with me.
Hold on, I tell myself, as the tears from my soul rain forth.
Rivers flowing down my cheeks,
mountain mindful of millions of moments: past,
as I wrestle with the grip that held tightly to the rock that I can no longer claim.
Bending burgeoning beckoning brain storms bravely blazing
trails, travelled, trials and tribulations, tempting time to re-tick.
The storm is wailing, weaving a wicked yet wise way,
to go, a path to follow floating forever in the fantasy of your company.
Where you often stood, still,
there remains a truculent transcending process.
echoing eagerly, echoing enigmatically,
where you often sat, standing, loudly-silent, sitting, standing, still.
A.J. Mahari (soul)
LITTLE ONE
Little one wild and free
running the spirit-filled circles of eternity.
Little one wild and free
learning the value of letting it be.
There is a flower
growing by the hour.
Life's blood courses the pedals, lending increasing power,
and all of its sadness beckons from nature shower after shower.
Rain washes the evil away
Tears nourish growth, so they say.
Tears that stream, scream, down the little one's face today
expressing yesterday's agony in a loudly-silent way.
Little one, arms outstretched to the sun
me, her, me,---I am that little ONE!!
The ONE that suffered through what my abusers have done.
I am more and more that little one, now, as my freedom is being won.
Quests of a lifetime
beginning with little one's favorite nursey rhyme
and culminating in the adult's realized dreams to the sublime.
Little one, little one, grasp your prime!
Tis' the little one getting bigger that is celebrated.
Moving toward love from all you have hated.
In this growth process that causes the pain to be constantly escalated.
Oh--little one...work your way out, the past must be evacuated!
Little one, wild and free
running the spirit-filled circles of eternity.
Little one wild and free
learning to let go, learning to in me, be!
A.J. Mahari (soul)
TO BE FREE
To be free
is to know
the essence of me.
To be free
is to feel
and simply be.
To be free
is to share
abundantly.
To be free
is to stay in the action
of my destiny.
To be free
is to honor my God
conceptually and spiritually.
To be free
is not to follow
most of humanity.
To be free
is to flow
to drink from the river of life, not to remain thirsty.
To be free
is basically a dream
you see.
To be free
is absurd
in the context of reality.
To be free
is to know
the essence of the authentic, me!
A.J. Mahari (soul)
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