Abuse
Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life
Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari
There are many types and forms
of abuse:
- Sexual Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
- Physical Abuse
- Domestic Violence
- Psychological Abuse
- Financial Abuse
- Abuse of Authority and/or Power
- Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Some are much more obvious than others. In
this section, along with what is currently here I will
be putting up more information about emotional,
psychological, and verbal abuse. Often these forms of
abuse are thought not be as serious as physical abuse.
This really isn't true. Not only are all forms of abuse
- abuse - but all forms are also important to take note
of and to not minimize or excuse. Often, also, the first
signs that someone might be physically abusive is the
reality that they are emotionally psychologically,
and/or verbally abusive.
I will also be putting some information here, in the near future,
about the issues that face and are the responsibility of those who
abuse. In some instances of abusive relationships or abusive situations
it is clear that one person is the abuser and the other the victim,
there are also various patterns of relational dynamics in which both
parties can well be both the abuser in one moment, and a victim in the
next. These complicated dynamics, of any two people relating from an
abusive position at times and then being victimized by the person that
someone has themselves abused are the tragically-typical relationships
that are toxic. These toxic relationships not only aren't about healthy love,
they are founded on trauma bonds and betrayal bonds.
© A.J. Mahari January 10, 2009
Abuse Pages
Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life
Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life
Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari
Abuse of all forms rises from feelings of helplessness and from
feeling like a victim. The abuser feels out of control and therefore
believes that having control over someone else will give them back
the control they have lost. The abuser has not really lost control of
an environment or a situation or a person but rather has lost control
over his or her own ability to regulate his or her own feelings and to
cope with them internally. Therefore, the abuser projects out his or her
feelings onto others and into environments. The main problem with thinking that
one ever has the right to control anyone else is that it is, at base, flawed
and cognitively distorted thinking that is based on a polarized and
black-and-white way of viewing things.
Abusers, often without being consciously aware of it, may well feel that
feeling out of control inside is something that someone else has made
them feel. This is not the case. That is a thought distortion. And it is also
a choice to shirk personal responsibility in ways that then see the abuser
expect someone else to be responsibile for how he or she feels. This is a form
of toxic relating, of enmeshment, a hallmark of codependence in which both the
abuser and his or her victim are losing their identities to the type of abusive
power and control struggles that are the playing out of issues from the inside
that aren't dealt with inside but that are project out in ways that leave, at
times, both the victim of abuse, and the perpetrator of abuse, feeling as if
everything that is happening to them and everything that he or she feels is the
fault and/or responsibility of the other.
While there are some parallels that may be opposing realities between the victim
and the abuser, it must be made clear that no one has the right to be abusive and
that no one deserves to be abused. The interplay between both victim and abuser,
in some cases, however, is not as independent of each other as it is in other situations.
It is important if you are being abusive to know that you must stop and get help.
It is important if you the victim of someone else's abuse to know that it is not
your fault and that you need to find support and professional help to ensure that you
can safely get yourself out of the situation/relationship before things get to a point
of being life-threatening.
© A.J. Mahari, January 2, 2016
Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari
