Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life

Coach A.J. Mahari

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Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari

There are many types and forms of abuse:

  • Sexual Abuse
  • Verbal Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Domestic Violence
  • Psychological Abuse
  • Financial Abuse
  • Abuse of Authority and/or Power
  • Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Some are much more obvious than others. In this section, along with what is currently here I will be putting up more information about emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. Often these forms of abuse are thought not be as serious as physical abuse. This really isn't true. Not only are all forms of abuse - abuse - but all forms are also important to take note of and to not minimize or excuse. Often, also, the first signs that someone might be physically abusive is the reality that they are emotionally psychologically, and/or verbally abusive.

I will also be putting some information here, in the near future, about the issues that face and are the responsibility of those who abuse. In some instances of abusive relationships or abusive situations it is clear that one person is the abuser and the other the victim, there are also various patterns of relational dynamics in which both parties can well be both the abuser in one moment, and a victim in the next. These complicated dynamics, of any two people relating from an abusive position at times and then being victimized by the person that someone has themselves abused are the tragically-typical relationships that are toxic. These toxic relationships not only aren't about healthy love, they are founded on trauma bonds and betrayal bonds.

© A.J. Mahari January 10, 2009

Abuse Pages

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life

    Sexual Abuse     Co-dependence
    Verbal Abuse     Abuse In Lesbian Relationships
    Emotional Abuse     Non-Violent Communication

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life

Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari

Abuse of all forms rises from feelings of helplessness and from feeling like a victim. The abuser feels out of control and therefore believes that having control over someone else will give them back the control they have lost. The abuser has not really lost control of an environment or a situation or a person but rather has lost control over his or her own ability to regulate his or her own feelings and to cope with them internally. Therefore, the abuser projects out his or her feelings onto others and into environments. The main problem with thinking that one ever has the right to control anyone else is that it is, at base, flawed and cognitively distorted thinking that is based on a polarized and black-and-white way of viewing things.

Abusers, often without being consciously aware of it, may well feel that feeling out of control inside is something that someone else has made them feel. This is not the case. That is a thought distortion. And it is also a choice to shirk personal responsibility in ways that then see the abuser expect someone else to be responsibile for how he or she feels. This is a form of toxic relating, of enmeshment, a hallmark of codependence in which both the abuser and his or her victim are losing their identities to the type of abusive power and control struggles that are the playing out of issues from the inside that aren't dealt with inside but that are project out in ways that leave, at times, both the victim of abuse, and the perpetrator of abuse, feeling as if everything that is happening to them and everything that he or she feels is the fault and/or responsibility of the other.

While there are some parallels that may be opposing realities between the victim and the abuser, it must be made clear that no one has the right to be abusive and that no one deserves to be abused. The interplay between both victim and abuser, in some cases, however, is not as independent of each other as it is in other situations. It is important if you are being abusive to know that you must stop and get help. It is important if you the victim of someone else's abuse to know that it is not your fault and that you need to find support and professional help to ensure that you can safely get yourself out of the situation/relationship before things get to a point of being life-threatening.

© A.J. Mahari, May 9, 2015

Ebooks & Audio Programs By A.J. Mahari