Soul Self Help - Sexual Abuse Defined
"Sexual abuse is the most shaming of all abuse. It takes
less sexual abuse than any other form of abuse to induce shame.
Sexual abuse is widespread. It is estimated that there are
currently some 60 million victims of sexual violence. Our
awareness of this problem has grown trmendously over the last
30 years"
"In the past our understanding has been limited to a kind
of horror story incest victim. Such stories involved physical-
hands-on sexual abuse. Today we've greatly expanded our
understanding of such abuse...Sexual abuse involves whole
families and can be divided as follows:"
1. Physical Sexual Abuse
"This involves hands on touching in a sexual way. The range of abusive behaviors that are sexual include
sexualized hugging or kissing; and kind of sexual touching or fondling; oral and anal sex; masturbation of
the victim or forcing the victim to masturbate the offender; sexual intercourse".
2. Overt Sexual Abuse
"This involves voyeruism, and exhibitionism. This can be outside or inside the home. Parents often sexually abuse
children through voyeurism and exhibitionism. The criteria for in-home boyeurism or exhibitionism is whether the
parent is being sexually stimulated. Sometimes the parent may be so out of touch with their own sexuality that
they are not aware of how sexual they are being. The child almost always has a kind of icky feeling about it."
3. Covert Sexual Abuse
a) Verbal
"This involves inappropriate sexual talking: Dad or any significant male calling women whores or cunts or
objectified sexual names; or Mom or any significant female depreciating men in a sexual way. It also involves
parents or caretakers having to know about every detail of one's private sexual life, asking questions about a
child's sexual physiology or questioning for minute details about dates. Covert sexual abuse involves not receiving
adequate sexual information".
b) Boundary Violation
"This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it frequently because their
parents don't provide closed or locked doors. It also involves the children being allowed no privacy. They are walked
in on in the bathroom. They are not taught to lock their doors or given permission to lock their doors.
The use of enemas at an early age can also be abusive in a way that leads to sexual dysfunction. The enemas can
be a body boundary violation".
4. Emotional Sexual Abuse
"Emotional sexual abuse results from cross- generational bonding. I've spoken of enmeshment as a way that children
take on the covert needs of a family system. It is very common for one or both parents in a dysfunctional marriage
to bond inappropriately with one of their children. The parents in effect use the child to meet their emotional
needs. The relationship can easily become sexualized and romanticized. The daughter may become Daddy's Little
Princess, or the son may become Mom's Little Man. In both cases the child is being abandoned. The parents are
getting their needs met at the expense of the child's needs. The child needs a parent not a spouse"
"Pia Mellody gives the following definition of emotional sexual abuse. She says that when "one parent has a relationship
with the child that is more important than the relationship they have with their spouse, there is emotional sexual
abuse"..."Whenever an adult is being sexual with a child, sexual abuse is going on".
The above is from the book: " Healing The Shame That Binds You", by John Bradshaw.
