"Internal Family Systems Therapy"
"The Self"
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
This information is quoted from the book "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard C. Schwartz
"Is a person simply a collection of parts, or is there something more at the seat of the soul? Initially I believed the former, because I was relying on my client's descriptions, and all they described were the parts. For instance, I would listen to Sally tell of her relationship with each part--how she felt toward it, how much she listened to it, how much she could control it, how she thought it felt toward her--and I began to wonder who was articulating this. Who was the reporter who was seeing or hearing a part experiencing its feelings, and describing all this to me? Was it just another part, or was there someone else in there?"
"Boundary Making"
As I began asking clients to interact with their parts in my presence--at first through the Gestalt Therapy open-chair technique, and later through imagery--I found that a conversation might be going well until a certain point of it entirely. Or the person might have extreme feelings toward or beliefs about the part from the outset. I remembered from my work with families that when an interaction between two family members was not interjecting comments, taking sides, making faces, or in general violating the boundary around the other two family members. The technique of "boundary making" was developed by structural family therapists (Minuchin&Fishman, 1981). It involves simply asking the interfering person not to interfere, to respect that boundary.
I hypothesized that when a client was having difficulty relating to a part, it might be because of the interference of another part. In those situations, I began asking clients to see whether they could find another part that was influencing them to see the original part in an extreme way. For example, Sally initially called her angry part the Monster and was afraid of it. But when I asked her to find and separate from any parts that were making her feel afraid of it, she found a scared Little Girl. After Sally moved the Little Girl to a safe place in her mind and convinced it to separate its fear from her, she immediately felt sorry for the angry Monster. In addition, the Monster changed; it looked less fierce. After that, the conversation with the angry part was more productive."
"The ‘I' in the Storm"
I consistently found that if I asked clients to separate from extreme and polarized parts inthis way most of them could shift quickly into a compassionate or curious state of mind. In that state, they often knew just what to do to hope their parts. It seemed that at the core everyone contained a state of mind that was well suited to leadership. It was through this boundary-making, differentiating process that I encountered what people called their ‘true self' or ‘core self'. This Self felt different to them from their parts. I later discovered that some other approaches described a state of mind like this Self. Generally, however, these approaches saw it as a passive, nonjudgmental observer or witness, in the tradition of Eastern religions, rather than an active, compassionate leader.
Working with hundreds of clients over more than a decade has led to the conclusion that everyone has a Self, no matter how severe the symptoms or how polarized the internal system. The Self has the clarity of perspective and other qualities needed to lead effectively. When the Self is fully differentiated--for example, through an imagery exercise in which a person is asked to climb a mountain and leave his or her parts in the valley--people universally experience a similar state. They describe feeling ‘centered', a state of calm well-being and lightheartedness. They feel confident, free, and open- hearted. They describe ‘being in the present' (ie., just experiencing with no thinking). They lose their sense of separateness and feel an exhilarating connection to or merger with the universe. This state is similar to what people describe when they meditate.
A similar experience has been reported by participants in a variety of human activities, from various sports to other creative endeavors. Psychologist Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi (1990) has studied this state of mind, which he calls flow. Flow is characterized by a deep concentration and absence of distracting thoughts; a lack of concern for reward other than the activity itself; a sense of confidence, mastery, and well-being; a loss of the sense of time or of self-consciousness; and he has concluded that it is a universal human experience. Thus it is not just through sitting in meditation that people can experience flow (or what is called Self-leadership in this book.) They can be actively engaged in their lives while in this mind set--a state the Buddhists call mindfulness. The Self, then, is not only a passive witness to one's life; it can also be an active leader, both internally and externally."
"Particle and Wave"
By now, the reader may have noticed that I have described the Self in two different ways: as an active, compassionate inner leader, and as an expansive, boundary-less state of mind. How is it possible for the Self to be both? Some models reconcile this dilemma by differentiating between a ‘higher self' and a more mundane, executive Self, or ego. My clinical experience argues against this dichotomy--the Selves of my clients that interact with their parts are the same ones who, when leaving the parts and going up on the mountain, gradually stop thinking and enter a transcendental state. Thus, I believe that the Self is both an individual and a state of consciousness, in the same way that quantum physics has demonstrated that light is both a particle and a wave. That is, photons that make up light sometimes act like particles--like billiard balls--and other times like waves in a pool of water. They have both qualities (Zohar, 1990). Likewise, the Self can at on time be in its expansive, wavelike state when a person is meditating (fully differentiated from his or her own parts) and then shift to being an individual with boundaries (a particle) when that person is trying to help the parts or deal with other people. It is the same Self but in different states.
When in the wave state, a person feels more connection not only to the universe, but also to other people. It is as if, at that level, people's waves can overlap, creating a sense of ultimate commonality and compassion. Thus, helping people differentiate the Self not only helps them harmonize their inner worlds, but also decreases the feeling of difference or isolation among people and builds connectedness."
"Self-Protection"
How could it be that everyone has this kind of Self? How is it possible that even people who have been severely traumatized or have had virtually no positive parenting in their lives can intuitively know how to be good leaders to their parts? I was confused by these questions until I posed them to some clients who had been severely sexually abused as children. They taught me that a person is organized to protect the Self at all costs. Thus, in the face of trauma or intense emotion, the parts separate the Self from the sensations of their body; they dissociate. If the fear or pain is strong enough, people report feeling as if their Self is taken all the way out of their body to protect it from harm. Consider this description from a rape survivor:
I left my body at that point. I was over next to the bed, watching this happen. ...I was standing next to me and there was just this shell on the bed...There was just a feeling of flatness. I was just there. When I re-picture the room, I don't picture it from the bed. I picture it from the side of the bed. That's where I was watching from. (Warshaw, 1988, p. 56)
This explains the reports of out-of-body experiences that are so common after trauma. In other survivors' descriptions, the Self, rather than remaining to observe, is moved to a safe limbo-like place where it is oblivious to what is happening. This is why people are frequently amnesic to traumatic or highly intense events. The seat of consciousness--the Self--is elsewhere.
"Self Trust"
The problem is that after a person's parts have had to protect the Self in this or in less extreme ways, they lost trust for its ability to lead and increasingly believe that they have to take over. One major goal of therapy becomes helping the client differentiate the Self to the point that the parts can begin to trust it again. For many clients, this happens rapidly and things improve quickly; for others, however, the parts are reluctant to trust the Self and will not separate from it long enough to let it lead. An example of this would be as follows: Suppose that when Sally feared her anger as the Monster and found the Little Girl who was scared of it, that scared child part had refused to separate its feelings from Sally. That is, suppose that her Self had remained undifferentiated from, remained blended with, the Little Girl. Consequently, Sally would have been constrained from knowing and helping the Monster in the way she could have if freed from the Little Girl's fear.
The point here is that whenever the Self is not functioning effectively, it is not because the Self is defective, immature, or inadequate, as some other approaches assume. Instead, the Self has all the necessary qualities for effective leadership, but is constrained by parts that are afraid to differentiate fully from it. This is a difficult assumption for many therapists to accept. Although some therapists who learn this model bring with them a strong intuition about this assumption, others only fully accept it after using the model and seeing it confirmed repeatedly."
"Patterns of Parts"
"...it is useful to think of an internal system as a collection of related people of different ages, like a tribe. Some of these inner-family members are young, sensitive, and vulnerable children; others are older children, adolescents, and adults. In addition to different ages, they have different temperaments, talents, and desires. In a person whose Self is leading this group and the parts are relating harmoniously, the person will not experience each part distinctly and is likely to feel as if his or her mind is unitary. In this respect, the mind is like any other system, from an anthill to a basketball team to a corporation: When it functions well and all the members are in sync, it will seem like one unit. The individual members still exist and , once separated from the group, remain distinct and autonomous. Yet they are so coordinated that they create a kind of unity.
It is in polarized systems, at any level, that the members stand out in bold relief. This is why troubled people report feeling so fragmented--not necessarily because they have more personalities than ‘normal' people, but because their personalities are fighting with one another rather than working together. Thus, the goal is not to fuse all these smaller personalities into a single big one. It is instead to restore leadership, balance, and harmony, so that each part can take its preferred, valuable role.
Why are parts forced into extreme and destructive roles? How do polarized inner systems evolve? What interferes with Self-leadership?..."
"Polarization"
Imbalanced systems, whether internal or external, will tend to polarize. That is, members of the system will be forced to leave their preferred, valuable roles and take on roles that are either competing with or opposed to those of other members. Parents become enemies, siblings become rivals, parts become antagonists. Each member of the polarization is afraid that if he or she backs down, the other will win or the system will be damaged."
"Burdens"
Thus far, I have discussed how parts are forced into extreme roles because they are polarized with other parts, because they are protecting other parts, or because they are frozen in time. There is one other reason that bears discussion. Parts often take on extreme ideas, behaviors, or feelings derived from extreme events or interactions with others in a person's life, and carry these like transferred burdens that organize and constrain them.
Parts are particularly susceptible to absorbing these transferred burdens when the person is young. A young child cannot survive unaided, and consequently is highly dependent on his or her parents. The child believes, often correctly, that the penalty for the parents' not valuing or caring about him or her is abandonment, severe harm, or death. As a result, children are very sensitive to messages from parents regarding their evaluation of them. When those messages are consistently reassuring this hyper- sensitivity abates quickly, and a child's internal system is not constrained by this issue from developing harmoniously. If, however, the family in which a child develops is imbalanced and polarized, the child is likely to receive inconsistent messages, at best, regarding worth during this period of high dependence.
"Worthlessness and the Need for Redemption"
When a child is uncertain or pessimistic about his or her value, the child strives to understand and become what is perceived as pleasing to the parents. The normal need fro approval becomes a craving and children take to heart extreme messages they are given about their worth. If a child is told, verbally or nonverbally, that he or she is of little value, young parts of the child organize their beliefs around that premise. They become desperate for redemption in the eyes of the person who gave those messages. Thereafter these parts carry the burden of worthlessness, which makes them believe that no one can love them-abelief they will maintain no matter what feedback is received from others. It is as if the person who devalued the child stole his or her self-esteem and holds title to it. The child then believes that to survive, he or she must get it back from the person who took it away. In this way, the person on whom the child depends becomes the redeemer. And this is not always a child's parent, but can be anyone on whom he or she depends.
These burdened young parts exert a powerful influence over the person's intimate relationships as they constantly seek redemption--the lifting of what feels like a curse of unlovability. They will return to the person who stole their self-esteem in this quest, or they will find someone who resembles that person. Often this results in a history of abusive or unsatisfying relationships."
"Other Burdens"
In this same scenario, other of the child's parts are likely to take on qualities of the person who stole his or her self-esteem and sense of safety. These parts are so desperate to win the approval of that person that they mimic him or her in an effort to make the child become more acceptable. These generally become managerial parts within the child; they are often inner critics or moralizers who carry the burden of perfectionism, believing that if they can make the child perfect, he or she will finally be redeemed.
In similar ways, parts take on other burdens. Commonly transferred burdens include having to protect another family member; having to be a great success, and believing that one will never succeed or that the world is very dangerous. Virtually any extreme part of a parent or other authority can be mimicked by these approval-craving parts of a child. It is not uncommon to see the same burden being passed from generation to generation in families..."
"This burden-transferring process is the aspect of the IFS model that is the most similar to what has been called ‘introjection'. One important difference is that it is only the burden that is introjected, not the essence of the part. That is, once the burden has been lifted, the part will be released from its influence and will be better able to pursue its preferred, constructive role. If instead the part is viewed as merely a mental introject, its valuable qualities and its ability to change will be underestimated."
"Multiplicity"
It is the nature of the human mind to be subdivided into an indeterminate number of sub-personalities called parts. (Most clients identify and work with between 5 and 15 parts through the course of therapy). These parts are conceptualized as inner people of different ages, temperaments, talents, and desires, who together form an internal family or tribe. This internal family organizes itself in the same way as other human systems and reflects the organization of the systems around it.
Parts exists from birth, either in potential or in actuality. That is, multiplicity is inherent in the nature of the mind, rather than being the result of the introjection of external phenomena (although parts may fro various reasons take on or get stuck with images or behaviors of significant people), or the result of fragmentation through trauma of the once- unitary personality (although trauma will polarize the already existing parts).
All parts are valuable and want to play constructive inner roles. They are forced into extreme and destructive roles by external influences and by the self-perpetuating nature of inner polarizations and imbalances. They will gratefully find or return to preferred, valuable roles once they believe it is safe to do so."
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