Step Seven
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
Step Seven Outlined
"Yes, there are some things about us - about you and me - that we need to get rid of. But we need to keep who we are, ourselves, our inherent personalities, and the traits and qualities and idiosyncrasies that make us special and unique."
"Aside from our fear about what will happen to us if we are without our defects and what it means to have our defects removed, there is really only one idea in this Step to discuss. We humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. That does not mean we holler at God to change us. It does not mean we demand. It does not mean we have to whimper, grovel, beg, plead, or incessantly ask."
"What this Step means is that we acknowledge that God is the power. We acknowledge the difference between God and ourselves: God is all-powerful; we aren't and don't have to be. Some things we just can't do ourselves. Changing ourselves is one of those things."
"So we ask God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves."
"We humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings."
"It helps to say "please"."
"It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process. It doesn't hurt, at least not any more than necessary to heal us from past hurts or to get our attention. It is a palatable process, and even the pain becomes palatable, once we become willing to feel instead of resist, once we become willing to surrender."
"..... I struggled for a while - with myself. I'd try to stop but find myself unable to. Or, I'd stop the behavior but I'd still want to do it. I'd try harder. Fail. Then finally surrender. I'd stop flailing about and let myself be."
"That's when gifts came. Gifts like detachment. Letting go. Realizing deep within me that I couldn't control another. That doesn't mean I did it perfectly or that the gifts all came at once. But over the years, letting go gradually replaced the need to control."
"It doesn't mean the need and desire to control doesn't come back."
"Some of that we accept. Stay alert. Become more aware. Catch ourselves. But let ourselves learn and grow. Develop a certain gentleness and compassion with ourselves, for our humanness. Let the transformation happen."
"A desire to control to control can be tempered with appropriate boundaries and respect and then channeled into management and leadership abilities."
"All the energy we put into despising and disliking ourselves can be turned positive, can be used to love ourselves."
"Some of the endless caretaking and care giving we gave away to the world can be turned toward us, until we truly learn to love and take care of ourselves."
"The longer we work these Steps, the better perspective on ourselves and our pasts we'll gain. The more fully we allow healing to take place concerning our pasts, the more we will see and be open to receiving the gifts from our past."
"Once we work through our bitterness, we will be able to receive the gift from each relationship, even the most painful ones."
"We will be healed. Self-love and love for others will come to us. Perhaps the most healing gift of all is self-acceptance, an immediate, ever-present acceptance of self, of all we are and have been, and of all we have been through. The more we can accept ourselves, the more we will naturally evolve into who we are destined to become."
"This Step does not absolve us of self-responsibility. But we don't have to worry or fret. We don't have to force our recoveries. We don't have to abase or criticize ourselves further because we are unable to change something about ourselves. Our primary task is acceptance and self- love. From that place, all good things will happen and come to us."
"The process will work, and it will work it's magic on us, if we allow that to happen. Sometimes it works even when we resist. We will find ourselves being changed, right down to the core of ourselves, in ways that we could not do for ourselves."
"And it happens naturally, if we let it."
"This Step gives us permission to be who we are. We say please help me. Please change me. From that moment on, we can be who we are and let the changes happen."
"Yes, we do have a part in this process. That part is applying ourselves to the Steps. There are tasks at hand, and we will be shown and helped to do whatever it is we are to do, when we are to do it. But the task in this Step is simple. This is the "humbly asking God for what we need" Step. It gives us permission to come as we are and bring our needs and desires to our Higher Power. We say please, then trust that we have been heard."
"Steps Six and Seven are the transformation Steps."
"Become willing. Become open. Say please. And cherish who you are now, in this moment."
"Nothing, nothing, can interfere with the good that is coming your way in life, and in this program called recovery."
"This Step does not eliminate us. It embraces and brings together the beauty of that innocent, natural child in each of us and combines it with the wisdom of our experiences. It enables us to realize our potential fully."
"Our gifts will become enhanced and accentuated. Our idiosyncrasies will become acceptable, at times laughable. Our negatives will be illuminated, lightened, eliminated, or made bearable."
"Ask God to help us. Ask God to change us. Ask God to heal us. Become entirely ready to have God heal us, then humbly ask God to do that. That is the essence of the Sixth and Seventh Steps."
"And they are the core of our healing."
The Source for this Step Seven outline: Melody Beattie's: "Codependents Guide To The Twelve Steps"