Today marks the one year anniversary of my dog Mandy’s death. It has been a long year of very profound grief for me. It has not been an easy time at all. And yet, ironically, as I come to meet this day, as I had feared to some degree, the meeting and experiencing of this [...]
The loss of a beloved pet is a heart-wrenching experience that really, has been like no other loss for me.
Today, it has been 11 months – short-very long months since I had to make the decision to have my beloved dog Mandy put to sleep. It was, and remains, the most gut-wrenching moment of my life. I didn’t want to have to make that choice. I felt like I was playing God. It was a decision that seemed to hold more responsibility than I thought I could stand up to. The moment I had to make that decision was a moment that I had often thought I’d never survive. The moment that Mandy was losing her life, going to sleep, – the moment she died, I was dizzy, overwhelmed, bawling, feeling as if I’d die along with her, feeling like there wasn’t a deep enough breath left in the universe for me – God, what pain and grief. It is a moment that I still feel at times in utter grief that is still palpable.
The moment of losing Mandy was a moment rich with paradox. A moment I re-live in happy memories of Mandy and in my continued grief and missing of Mandy.
Dogs are the gateway of promise that hold out so many lessons. Chief among those lessons would be the choice and ability to humbly make peace with our own knowing, our own instinct, our own inherent God-given Grace and spirituality in the service of a reverential and respecting bountiful benevolent unconditional love.
And to my late Dog, Mandy, who shared her splendid serendipitously synchronistic life attuned to my unfolding soul from April 17, 1996 October 28, 2006 Thank you, Mandy, for the legacy of your loving lessons. Lessons that continue, even now, in and through the grief. A job well done my friend. You will always be missed.