In the audio program, “Coping With Difficult Toxic and/or Abusive People” A.J. Mahari talks about the reality of coping with difficult, toxic and/or abusive people generally with a focus on the reality that holidays bring out the worst of the worst in toxic relating.
The Legacy of Toxic Relationships – Where The Personality Disordered and The Non Personality Disordered Interconnect and Suffer
Toxic relationships seem to be pervasive to the point where healthy relationships are in the minority. Toxic relationships are proliferating and have been doing so for the better part of the last few decades. Toxic relationships are the coming together of adults, who carry wounded children deep inside of them, and who were raised in [...]
Most people when they realize they are in a toxic relationship, at some point or other, come to the conclusion they have made a mistake. A mistake that is likely a series of mistakes in reality. This is a crucial fork in the road of your understanding actually. This point of painful realization is a [...]
Narcissism, to varying degrees, is a common trait of all personality disorders. Those with personality disorders and any substantial degree of narcissism are not capable of healthy age-appropriate adult intimacy. They are emotionally unavailable people who are emotionally child-like and who more often than not relate in a dysfunctional, toxic, and abusive ways.
More often than not what sustains the foundation of toxic relating inside of a person is a personality disorder or some other form of mental illness. Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are the two most common sources of toxic and abusive relating. Both personality disorders seem to be on the increase. We also seem to be living in what are very narcissistic times.
Toxic relationships are everything that defies the word relationship. They are not about love – they are about relationship addiction – being addicted to chaos, drama and/or the other person. They are not desirable. They are painful. They are compelling in that given certain unresolved emotional issues from childhood, adults frankly get addicted to toxic relational schema. These toxic relationships are the vehicles of verbal abuse, physical abuse, and often domestic violence.
Is there some big mystery here that I am missing? Some magical all-knowing conncetion that anyone has enough knowledge to truly make as to what it is that motivates some of the worst of human behaviour?
I mean, Benoit apparently had lots of concussions, he apparently took steriods and apparently injected the male hormone testosterone – my question would be can we really point to these acts as the cause of anything? I ask this because everyone who is in pro wrestling or other pro sports who does the things Benoit allegedly did does not go on to kill their family and themselves.
“The level of brain damage Benoit had could have caused depression and irrational behavior, said Cantu, who also is chief of neurosurgery service at Emerson Hospital in Concord, Mass.” writes Weber quoting Dr. Robert Cantu in his article.
Lacking various interpersonal skills, and emotional maturation, people with Personality Disorders, are often forced to adopt what they see mirrored among others as seeming successful and pleasing personas in efforts to find ways to bridge the gaps between their own challenges and what is expected of them based largely on their chronological age coupled with their intellectual capacity.
When it comes to interpersonal relationships, sadly for many, in the beginning it can be very difficult to spot the personality disordered from the average. Of course, time and getting to know someone can and will penetrate the mask of the social or pleasing pseudo persona.
In the interpersonal relating of intimate other relationships the personality-disordered not only lose the mask of their plastic personas but they often ultimately reveal the brokenness of deep intrapsychic wounds that result in controlling, dominating, intimidating, manipulating, punishing, needy, clinging, angry, raging, unforgiving, and aloof abusers.