For more: Psyche Whisperer Radio Blog about the interview

 

Consider the consequences.

Searching stored memory for lessons we may have learned activates the higher areas of the brain which we use to be calculative in our actions.

 Take a stroll down memory lane.

 

For more: Psyche Whisperer Radio Blog about the interview

 

Practice what you preach: Share.

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Guest and Inspirational Speaker. Practicing law as a New York trial lawyer and litigator for ten years was a spiritual springboard for David from a paradigm based on the very western emphasis on competition, judgment, and scarcity to one based on forgiveness, compassion, and abundance.

David’s passion is in utilizing his clients’ sense of their “Spirituality” where and whenever possible, in helping them heal their relationships, their careers, and their lives. David has over 18 years of experience in Coaching, Counseling and Psychotherapy and has specialized in working with the gamut of relationship challenges: couples counseling, parenting, family issues including blended families, separation and divorce, dealing with in-laws, job and career challenges, and workplace/organizational issues. As a Psychotherapist, he has also employed alternative methods (such as EMDR, EFT, hypnotherapy, etc.) in successfully helping many suffering from mental health issues and addictions including sexual addiction. David was the featured writer of an interactive relationship advice column in a holistic magazine reaching over 70,000 readers in Central NJ and Southeastern PA. He ran A Course In Miracles study group, leads a weekly support group for separating or divorcing individuals, and has given talks and led workshops on Spirituality and Relationships. David’s website (david@davidswilde.com) offers published articles on a myriad of relationship and spiritual topics as well as a link to his blog on relationships and creating positive change in our lives.

As a Spiritual Coach, David helps individuals understand the metaphysical (i.e. energetic) power behind the largely misunderstood concept of “forgiveness” as the most critical tool for healing relationships, purifying minds, and thus allowing the manifestation of “miracles” (another highly misunderstood term). He is currently writing a book on the power of forgiveness. His practice, teachings, and writings are informed and inspired by the principles of A Course In Miracles, the (not-so-secret) Law of Attraction, and that of other spiritual paths.

David is also a Certified Employee Assistance Professional (CEAP). As such he has been a Consultant for Managers and Line Staff of Fortune 500 Corporations, has led Supervisory and Staff Trainings and Workshops on various topics including Stress Reduction and Communication Skills, and performed Critical Incident Stress Debriefings for the survivors of traumas ranging from bank robberies to September 11th. He worked for two of the largest behavioral health care companies in the world, and was a milieu therapist on an inpatient psychiatric unit.

David holds an MSW from Hunter College in New York, a JD from Brooklyn Law School, and a BA in Psychology from Clark University in Massachusetts. He provides Life, Relationship, Career and Spiritual Coaching by phone and has offices in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

David’s website can visited at: david@davidswilde.com

© A.J. Mahari and The Psyche Whisperer Radio Show

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Unless people can extend compassion, empathy, and understanding to themselves, they won’t be able to consistently extend it to others. Not having authentic compassion, empathy, and understanding for yourself can leave you not only suffering, being and/or feeling lonely or alienated but also isolated. Compassion, empathy, and understanding, with healthy boundaries and limits are the essence of human connectedness.

To be a seeker you need to be a rational thinker. Increasing your awareness of what you are thinking is the way to become more mindful and accepting of what is. A stepping stone to positive healthy change. Compassion, empathy, and understanding must first be extended to self before it can truly congruently and consistently be extended authentically to others.

General Life Coaching with A.J. Mahari
BPD Coaching with A.J. Mahari
Self Help Ebooks and Audio

Part One – Connecting – Compassion, Empathy, and Understanding

• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life
• Beginner’s Guide To Yoga and Meditation
• Achieve Your Goals
• The Legacy of Abandonment In Borderline Personality
• Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance For Loved Ones of BPD
• Thoughts Determine Your Experience
• How To Identify A Toxic Relationship
• More Ebooks about Borderline Personality Disorder

              Ebooks © A.J. Mahari & Phoenix Rising Publications

Part 2 – Finding Balanced Middle-Ground Compassion

The goal in opening up to compassion, empathy, and increasing understanding – increasing awareness – has at its center a letting go of polarized thinking. A moving into the paradox of the bigger emotional and life picture wherein a middle-ground balanced way of thinking, feeling, and relating to the world is embraced.

In order to know love and have compassion and empathy for others it is necessary to first know who you are – know yourself. To have love for yourself – to have compassion and empathy for yourself. What you truly think, feel, and believe, about yourself will make-up what you have to give to others. Self is a mirror to others that way. Just as others are a mirror to the self.

© A.J. Mahari, May 3, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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This is an excerpt from a workshop that Life Coach and author, A.J. Mahari, held with a group of her clients working on learning to create and practice skills that help them achieve healthy time and space for Self.

 Each person needs personal time, some solitude,  for spiritual connection and resting, relaxing, and re-charging A.J. begins to layout the work that lies ahead on the journey to taking physical space and time and transforming it to an inner equanimity.

What you think creates your experience and A.J. stresses this to her clients and also points out that it is the meaning that we attach to each and every moment that might be the roadblock to healing, recovery, balance, and being on the pathway to self-understanding and your the here-and-now unfolding of your happiness.

General Life Coaching with A.J. Mahari
BPD Coaching with A.J. Mahari
Self Help Ebooks and Audio

• Beginner’s Guide To Yoga and Meditation
• Achieve Your Goals
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life
• Thoughts Determine Your Experience
• How To Identify A Toxic Relationship

Life is moving at a more hectic pace then ever before. Our lives continue to demand more and more from us in so many ways and threaten to leave us without a healthy amount of solitude time. Solitude is important. It is often over-looked. True balanced emotional peace and equanimity stems from a balance between investing in what we do and in who each one of us is.

It is important to find ways to continue to work at self-acceptance, self-understanding, and to nurture Self, spirit, and soul. Being mindfully aware to the moment and fully present to each here-and-now moment offers the healthiest opportunity to fully experience the rich nature of a full range of experience in your life.

© A.J. Mahari, May 1, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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Are you in emotional pain? Are you grieving a loss? Do you feel lost? Are you depressed? Do you feel invalidated and/or misunderstood? Are you trying to get somewhere in your life? Do you know where you are going? Do you know what you need? Do you know who you are? Can you describe your definition of getting there? Often the most practical step in creating change in your life, in your efforts to get there, is to first more clearly understand where you currently are and more about who you are right now.

People are often searching for a there to get to because they aren’t sure how to cope with the now of where they already are.

One of the greatest motivators for change is emotional pain. When people are in pain, or feeling depressed, it isn’t difficult to lose perspective about where you actually are in your life right now. Often the road to wanted and needed change that may seem so long or impossible is really not that far away. It’s very attainable. However, if and when perspective get skewed you can end up feeling hopeless, perhaps even helpless.

Where you may be right now, what you may feel right now, versus where you’d like to be or how much you want and need to feel better it is important to recognize that what is realistic to strive for is the center. Middle-ground. Balance.

Without a conscious and aware understanding of this middle-ground and balance in all areas of your life you may be shocked to find that no matter how much growth and change you achieve, or how many goals you identify and work toward it may seem like you are not actually getting there. So, when you get there, what you may discover is that you aren’t where you thought the there you were striving for actually was or would be like.

Pardoxically and ironically, in many ways, “When you get there, there isn’t any there, there.” – Gertrude Stein. What does that mean? Does it leave you thinking, well, great, why bother then? Do you interpret there being no there, there, as meaning that change and striving for middle-ground and balance in your life is some kind of illusion?

Well, it is, and it isn’t. When you get there really means that you put into balance the middle-ground of where you are already are.

Essentially what you may need to give more thought to is that you are already there. You are already where you need to be right now in this unfolding moment. If it doesn’t feel like it that’s because you aren’t radically accepting in and through an attitude of gratitude what is for you in your life right now and that it has purpose.

There is here. There is now. There – is what is. There is where  you are right now. There – isn’t somewhere else. Striving to always be getting there is an illusion that means you miss out on the fullness of now.

© A.J.  Mahari, April 28, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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The energy of your mind needs to be fully acknowledged, harnessed, and channelled positively.

If one is not mindful of the energy of one’s mind what often results is negative thoughts that generate negative experience that further create increasing negative and painful experience.

“If you wish to know the mind of a [person] listen to [his or her] words.” Chinese Proverb

 ”The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” - Aristotle

The essence and quality of your life is profoundly impacted by the quality of the energy of your mind. This is how the law of attraction works. What we are thinking, the energy that we are generating in our minds draws like energy from the universe. The implications of this in how we experience our daily lives is important to understand.

.”It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to enterain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

The mind is full of thoughts generating endless energy. Each thought is energy. Just as important as being aware of what you are thinking it is important to learn to be able to entertain each thought, regardless of where it comes from, without having to accept it. Without having to invest in it. Without having to attach to it in ways that just increase its energy.

Effectively harnessed through mindful observation, meditation, and radical acceptance, you can become increasingly aware of the energy that is dominating your mind – whether it is positive or negative. You can come to be more aware about any lack of balance in the energy of your mind and the ways in which you think, perceive, and interpret events.

• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life
• Thoughts Determine Your Experience
• Beginner’s Guide To Yoga and Meditation
• Achieve Your Goals

Increasing your awareness of this and being open to tapping into more and more of what may have been previously only been within your subconscious is the way to becoming more enlightened. Opening up to the energy of your subconscious has profound potential to aid in your self-understanding, finding more authenticity and living your life in balanced and emotionally peaceful ways.

The energy in and of your mind has a direct impact upon what you think which has a direct impact on what you experience. Negative energy generates emotional and psychological pain. Positive energy is healing. Are you aware of the balance or lack of balance in the energy that is housed within your mind?

© A.J. Mahari, April 27, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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More and more science is teaching us that the brain can change itself and that the brain has an amazing capacity to create new neuronal pathways. This is a positive source of hope for people with many types of brain injury or varying illnesses as well as those who have been diagnosed with a form of mental illness.

There is a growing body of evidence that counters the biopsychiatric view of mental illness as a stagnant and essentially unchangable “brain disease”. This growing evidence has at its core an increasing understanding of just how much the brain can actually change and heal itself in ways that were once not thought or known to be possible.

© A.J. Mahari, April 27, 2010

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“The universe is not vindictive, it is corrective.”

Do you get angry and then feel hurt? Do you lash out and try to hurt the other person back? Do you want revenge or justice? Do you feel victimized? Wounded? Do you sit with the pain but turn it inward against yourself?

When certain triggering or painful experiences of criticism and judgment via the words of another pierce you in such a way it may seem abusive, punishing, or vindictive. Who knows what a human being saying intolerant things to you is really doing or why. However, where there is a theme that you may experience in the unfriendly words of differing others over time what you need to know is that there is a purposeful message trying to teach you something.

Something that is way beyond where the message comes from. Something way beyond the person who might have just gotten angry, mean, or hurtful with you in words. The words other people choose to use really speak volumes about who they are more than they really have anything to do with the person the words are aimed at.

Wisdom is afoot in these experiences. From what may be a negative or stressful interaction complete with negative and unkind words from another person that seem to just be about hurting you, that seem so unfair, comes incredible growth opportunity.

In just this type of situation – something many refer to as a “triggered moment” it is important to radically accept what is unfolding in a mindful way. To hear it. To not judge it. To not react to it. To let it sit inside of you. To experience it. For it is only this experience that can lead you to the questions you need to ask yourself about your feelings and thoughts that will guide you to wisdom that the universe means for you to be able to grasp through such otherwise, in human terms, “negative experience”.

Are you open to learning or are you too busy defending against old hurts and pain? You cannot protect and learn at the same time. You need to choose one or the other. Being open and ready to learn means having an attitude of gratitude and saying thank you to the universe for all experience. In order to evolve we must say thank you for everything – not just what we may want or feel gratified by – but everything. Say thank you. Say thank you from an open honest, spiritual, mindful and radically accepting place inside. Say thank you from the center of your spiritual authenticity.

“I don’t feel that this universe is vindictive, it is corrective.” Even what “… seems to be punishment  is an act of Grace” - Mooji

 ”Some things rub and squeeze and grind you that you don’t say thank you for. But they alter your being in such a way that it brings wisdom into your experience. Rarely are we thankful for that.” – Mooji

Mooji is a direct disciple of Sri Harilal Poonja (Papaji), whose master is the renowned Sri Ramana Maharshi, the ‘Sage of Arunachala.’ Mooji lives in Brixton, London

© A.J. Mahari, April 26, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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As a Life Coach, BPD, and Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari has become keenly aware that, increasingly, people are coming to more fully understand how important it is to develop their life skills. Life, as it unfolds, is a journey, and not a destination. No one has it all figured out. There is always more room to grow and more that you can benefit from learing, generally, and about yourself, more specifically. You will also benefit from becoming more aware of your strengths and your weaknesses, in balanced, accepting, mindful, and non-judgmental ways.  This mindful awareness is central to your continued self-improvement,  growth, and development.  

Personal mastery involves emotional mastery. Personal mastery in and of itself is a journey. It makes it possible for people to manage their energy levels in healthy and effective ways that provide emotional, psychological, and spiritual balance.  To attain personal mastery, there are principles that will guide you on your quest for this continued growth and emotional maturity. 

General Life Coaching with A.J. Mahari
BPD Coaching with A.J. Mahari
Self Help Ebooks and Audio

Principles behind personal and self mastery are actually fundamental concepts that are essential when building professional, social, interpersonal, and spiritual relationships. The first principle stresses being aware of  how you define success.  In personal mastery, along with its central component of emotional mastery, internal change, in the here-and-now  is actually more important than what has happened in your past. 

Personal mastery is also based on how you have come to define and understand your own reality – what it is you believe about your life right now, about yourself and about others. Personal mastery is central to how you think and what you believe and the level to which you are or are not aware of your own thoughts and their effect on how you feel and even more importantly how your thoughts and feelings play themselves out with others.

• Beginner’s Guide To Yoga and Meditation
• Achieve Your Goals
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life
• Thoughts Determine Your Experience
• How To Identify A Toxic Relationship

      7 Central Principles of Personal Mastery

1. Set goals for yourself and take action to achieve them
2. Be open to learning how to deal effectively with difficult and challenging situations
3. Identify positive behaviour and feelings and validate yourself
4. Challenge your thoughts by looking for “objective” evidence for against what you believe
5. Let go of negativity that can keep you stuck in resentment and blame
6. Develop and nurture an inquisitive mind-set and an attitude of gratitude
7. Learn to ask skillful questions of yourself that will help you understand yourself better

It is important for you to invest your time in and energy on things that you can control. This means focusing on yourself and what you want to change and not focusing on trying to change or fix anyone else.  It is important to let go of any proclivity to have a reactive attitude that can lead to feelings of resentment, rejection-sensitivy, negativity, blame, and shame, that are obstacles to healthy change and that can keep you stuck in repeating old and worn out patterns of relating that cause you to continue suffer. When you are invested in suffering, it is suffering that you master. Not personal self and emotional mastery.

Another principle behind self mastery is understanding that what happens to in your life is based on your own choices – accepting personal responsibility is the way to create change moving forward in your life.  Decisions about your life need to be made by you in a conscious and aware way. A proactive way. Not a reactive way. 

Having a clear vision of what you want and what you need to learn more about to achieve your goals is also very central to building your personal mastery.  After identifying your goals it is important to create a plan of action that will help you to achieve your goals. Taking action steps toward the achievement of your goals is the way to apply your vision, values, and principles to your self-improvement, emotional and personal mastery. Mastery means you are continuing to build and strengthen your emotional, psychological, and psychosocial competence.

Overall, an individual who actively engages his or her own process of personal mastery will be able to raise self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-responsibility.  The central gift, of the process of and engagement in personal mastery, is that individuals will recognize that they are part of a bigger picture in life – connected to humanity. As you continue to know more about who you are you will also be forging a deeper connection to others.

Personal mastery is something that does not happen unintentionally or overnight.  It requires discipline and reinforcement, mindful conscious intention and attention. It needs to be nutured.  Each person who is on the path of personal mastery can benefit from personal coaching and/or counselling to make sure that what they continue to learn about  in the process of transformative change and healing of  personal mastery is supported and validated in ways that increase  awareness and confidence in navigating all the new and wonderful ways that each person will come to better know him/herself.

Personal mastery helps each person, on this journey in his or her life, understand that life is full of opportunities for expanding individual vision and skills in ways that can transform pain and suffering in ways that increase personal enlightenment, emotional, psychological, intellectual, and spiritual balance. This expanding consciousness and the ways that it can transform suffering into aware living that is competence being strengthened and supported in action is life in the flow of Grace.

© A.J. Mahari, April 25, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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Beginner's Guide To Yoga and Meditation Ebook

If you are like countless numbers of people around the world who have an inordinate amount of stress in your life, there is a way out. You can mindfully let go of this stress in the here-and-now for a few moments every day. Yoga and meditation practice is an effective and accessible way to heal your mind and strengthen your body allowing the pressures and stresses of the world to melt away.

A combined strategy of yoga stretches and focused meditation will help bring your emotional well-being into balance and keep your body fit at the same time.

Yoga can teach you to bring into balance what need not be endured and also teach you to more mindfully endure what cannot be cured. On any journey in life practising yoga and meditation is an effective way to learn new ways to manage stress and emotional pain that can otherwise leave you suffering. Yoga and meditation put into action gives you effective tools that will help you to live a more balanced life. A life that is more balanced in terms of how you think and how you feel.

When the breath wanders the mind also is unsteady. But when the breath is calmed the mind too will be still.

Emotional, psychological, and spiritual balance are central to you being able to live your best life in the here-and-now instead of waiting for some “perfect” time in the future. You don’t have to lose anymore time to emotional dysregulation, being psychologically or spiritually out of balance.

This valuable e-book will teach you about the different styles of yoga and meditation and guide you step-by-step in beginning your own yoga program without the hassle of driving to a gym or wellness center to take classes.

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