Self-Help Books
Pain To Power
From the Book: "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyways"by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
"If everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in
life, yet so many are out there 'doing it' despite the fear, then we
must conclude that:
FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM
"Obviously, the real issue has nothing to do with fear itself, but,
rather, how we hold fear. For some, the fear is totally irrelevant.
For others, it creates a state of paralysis. The former hold their
fear from a position of power (choice, energy, action), and the
latter hold if from a position of pain (helplessness, depression, and
paralysis).
HOW WE HOLD FEAR
Pain_______________________________Power
Helplessness ------------------------ Choice
| |
Depression -------------------------- Excitement
| |
Paralysis -------------------------- Action
From this it can be seen that the secret in handling fear is to move
yourself from a position of pain to a position of power. The fact that
you have the fear then becomes irrelevant...
The kind of power I am talking about here is a type of power that
makes you less manipulative of those around you [and less wrapped up
in trying to control others and or your environment] I am talking about
a power within the self. This means power over your perceptions of the
world, power over how you react to situations in your life, power to
do what is necessary for your own self-growth, power to create joy and
satisfaction in your life, power to act and power to love.
This kind of power has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not egomania,
but a healthy self-love. In fact, egomaniacs have absolutely no feeling
of power--thus their compelling need to control those around them. Their
lack of power leaves them perpetually in a state of fear, since their
survival depends on the outside world. No one is more unloving than a
person who can't own his or her own power. Such people spend their lives
trying to pull it out of everyone else. Their need creates all sorts of
manipulative behaviour.
The kind of power I am talking about leaves you free, since you don't
expect the rest of the world to fill you up. It's not the ability to get
someone else to do what you want them to do. It's the ability to get
yourself to do what you want to do. If you do not own this kind of power,
[personal power] you lose your sense of peace. You are in a very vulnerable
place. [A vulnerable place that can be the breeding ground of much unwanted
defensive behaviour I would add]
...The truth is that love and power go together. With power, one can
really begin to open up the heart. With no power, love is distorted.
...To help you on your Pain to Power path, it's important that you
begin to develop a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary. The way you use words has
a tremendous impact on the quality of your life. [Words after all come
from our thoughts] Certain words are destructive; others are empowering.
Choose to move to a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary as follows:
Pain -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> Power
_______________________________________________________
I can't -------------------------------- I won't
I should ------------------------------- I could
It's not my fault ---------------------- I'm totally responsible
It's a problem ------------------------- It's an opportunity
Life's a struggle ---------------------- Life's an adventure
I'm never satisfied -------------------- I want to learn and grow
I hope --------------------------------- I know
If only -------------------------------- Next time
What will I do? ------------------------ I know I can handle it
It's terrible -------------------------- It's a learning experience
'I can't' implies you have no control over your life, whereas 'I won't',
puts a situation in the realm of choice. From this moment on, strike
'I can't' from your vocabulary. When you give your subconscious the
message 'I can't' your subconscious really believes you and registers
on its computer: WEAK...WEAK...WEAK. Your subconscious believes only
what it hears, not what is true. You might be saying 'I can't' simply
to get out of a dinner invitation--The fact is that you could go to
dinner--but, you are in fact choosing not to do so.
New Comfort Zone
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Four -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Three -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Two -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk One -> -> ->
___________________
Original Zone of
Comfort
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Four -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Three -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk Two -> -> ->
___________________
<- <- <- Risk One -> -> ->
___________________
New Comfort Zone
___________________
With each risk you take, each time you move out of what feels comfortable,
you become more powerful. [Feel more competent] Your whole life expands
to take in more of what there is in the world to experience. As your power
builds, so does your confidence, so that stretching your comfort zone
becomes easier and easier, despite any fear you may be experiencing. The
magnitude of the risks you take also expands.
...So take only those risks each day that build your sense of self-worth.
These are the risks that enhance your ability to deal with your fears.
EXPAND! EXPAND! EXPAND!
Whether it feels like it or not, you already have more power than you
could ever have imagined. We all have. When I speak of going from pain
to power, I am not talking about pulling the power in from any outside
source. Inside of you, just waiting to emerge, is an incredible source
of energy, which is more than sufficient for you to create a joyful
and satisfying life. It isn't magic. It is only a process of tapping
the energy already there, though you are not aware of it.
...You are innately designed to use your personal power. When you
don't, you experience *helplessness*, *paralysis*, and *depression*--
which is your clue that something is not working as it could. You,
like all of us, deserve everything that is wonderful and exciting in
life. And those feelings emerge only when you get in touch with your
powerful self."