A Battle
By Bob Parrillo II
Sept. 10, 1988
I want to run,
I want to hide.
I do not know,
what's going on inside,
Wrath beyond anger,
things couldn't be stranger...
A family that destroys me,
a love that deploys me.
Confusion misguides me,
as passion rails inside me.
A hope that eludes me,
an opportunity that blinds me.
A resistance that collides with-in me,
a resilience that drives me.
I'm shattered inside,
frustrated beyond my means.
I feel an urge to express my self,
but it only comes out wrong.
No-one to listen anyway
All I can do is write, and pray.
Suicide, oh what a temptation,
but even it won't express what I feel
I must.
Why, Why, Why,
Why can't I come outside,
Who dares to resist my mind.
It's only myself,
a twisted, tortured soul.
God please help me,
I feel so out of control.
Intelligence beyond demand.
My wisdom, too deep,
for most to understand.
Cataclysmic forces of
right and wrong,
explode in defiance,
of each others command.
Peace, oh where are you,
Serenity, it can't be found.
Knowing the fruit of my actions,
keeps me completely bound.
Please Lord keep me from misbehaving,
in such an ill gotten rage,
from being locked up,
in this cage.
How can one collide within them-self?
Yet this battle is ever raging.
Two sworn enemies
battle on inside me.
Never giving in,
each side aiming to guide me.
One of peace, and one of wrath,
a contention that divides me.
First one is on top,
then the other.
When they're both knocked out,
I have nothing left to guide me.
Were is the Promise?
When all I see is battles.
The weaker gets destroyed,
The stronger holds the reigns.
Contention, more contention,
will this ever stop?
I don't want to give in,
when it's the darkness that's on top!!
Waves of strife,
crashing down within my head.
Stubborn resilience,
keeping me in bed.
I will not bow to the darkness,
I will not give in,
due to this torture.
I will live for God,
and, none other.
Restlessness to drive me,
Wisdom to stop me,
Peace is the goal,
Love is to guide me.
I won't give up God.
This just isn't enough.
To stop this man of compassion,
from fulfilling my commission.
So much for this pit stop,
be sure I'm full of fuel.
There's no telling what's coming up next,
in this life long duel.
