Borderline Personality Disorder


Borderline They Say ...


Scared and confused
Haunted, wasted, alone
left to die unknown to myself
over and over again

How can I let anyone else know me?
I don't know me
I don't like me
How can I let anyone else know me?

Does this merri-go-round ever stop spinning?
Will I one day feel like I'm winning?
It hurts, it just all hurts and no one gets it
Does this merri-go-round ever stop spinning?

I feel like a nut-case
like old contents locked in a suitcase
no needs, no one remembers and no one ever wanted
I feel like a nut-case

There is an eerie screaming-quiet
quietly-screaming in the centre of myself
a self I haven't even met yet
all this noise locked inside of all this quiet

Borderline they say to me
as the world runs the other way
Borderline they say to me
as I dawn yet another mask

Hiding, I am always hiding
lost, I am always lost
drowning, I am always drowning
fighting, I am always fighting
lying, I am always lying
scared, I am always scared
angry, I am always angry
alienated, I am always alienated
isolated, I am always isolated
failing, I am always failing
hurting, I am always hurting
misunderstood, I am always misunderstood

Borderline they say to me
so what's that mean?
Borderline they say to me
maybe it's what it means when you have ceased to be 
and yet already been?

I don't feel that I am...
I feel lost
I feel like I am behind a wall of glass
I feel distant and insignificant
I am walled off 
I am a prisoner of my own agony
I am different or weird
I am misunderstood
I don't know what I want
I can't ever make up my mind
I don't know what I want to be
I don't know what I want to do
I don't feel that I am

Who the hell am I?
am I?

No one dares
Who cares
Who shares
No one cares

Whirling in turmoil
lost in chaos
stuck in drama
so so so so angry
am I

Borderline they say...

  © A.J. Mahari 1987


  • Soul's Reading Corner - BPD Main Page
  • Soul's Reading Corner Submission & Menu Page
  • Soul's Self Help