by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, 2001

Many people think body image is only an issue for people who aren't stereotypically thin, or who have an eating disorder, but the truth is body image has nothing to do with one's size, or whether you struggle with an eating disorder. It has to do with how you see yourself, what you tell yourself about your body, how you describe your body, and how you think, feel and behave toward your body -- all work to create your body image.

There are thin women who think that they are fat, women who fit the societal standard of beauty who think they are ugly, and many people who daily struggle with discomfort, shame, embarrassment, and hatred about their bodies.

Despite all the pressure to look a certain way, you can change your body image without dieting or controlling what you eat.

How Do You Relate To Your Body?

To better understand your body image, think about how you relate to your body. How do you:

see your body in your mind?

describe your body to others?

talk about your body to yourself?

feel about your body?

treat your body?

Each of these ways of relating to your body effects the others, they are inter-connected. That might sound overwhelming, but it's actually good news -- changes in one area will lead to changes in the others.

For example, if you begin to change how you describe your body, you will start to think differently about your body, and this will effect how you feel about your body. Or, if you start to change how you treat your body, it will change how you feel and think about your body.

Become Aware of How You Relate to Your Body

One way to start changing your body image is to become aware of how you think, see, describe, and treat your body, and how you feel about your body. Choose one of these components of body image to work on and focus your attention on it.

For example, if you think about your body in a negative way, become aware of when you have those thoughts. Begin by simply noticing them. Pay attention to how often they occur, when they occur, and what you say to yourself. See if there's a pattern. Recognizing a pattern can help you be aware of the things or situations that feed your shame or hatred about your body.

For example, some people think more negative thoughts about their bodies when they are feeling anxious or nervous. If that's true for you, you may want to think about what you can do to help yourself to feel more calm and safe, such as acknowledge how you feel, say something reassuring to yourself, and take a few deep breaths. By working on your anxiety, you may find that you feel better and aren't thinking as many negative thoughts about your body.

Interrupt Critical Thinking About Your Body

Another way to counteract critical thinking about your body is to become aware of when you're thinking that way, then interrupt your thoughts by turning your attention to something else. Or, tell yourself that you don't want to say those things about your body any more -- that you want to respect and love your body. Some people also say positive things about their body, affirming what they like or what they want to like about their bodies.

Be Gentle and Loving With Your Body

Work on treating your body with love and respect. Be as gentle and tender with your body as you can. Pay attention to how you interact with your body. For example, when you put lotion on your body, notice how you do it. Do you put it on roughly or quickly? Do you notice that you are touching your body? Try putting lotion or oil on your body slowly, thoughtfully, and gently. Notice the sensation of your hand touching your body.

Do you pick at or hit your body, bump into things, or ignore that you have a body except when you criticize it? See if you can change one way in which you treat your body unkindly. Try noticing that you have a body, and be kind to it. Pay attention to when your body is tired and needs to rest. Touch your body with gentleness -- the way you would with a lover or friend.

You Can Feel Good Without Changing Your Body

Often when people don't like their bodies, or have an eating disorder, they believe that if they had a different body they would be happy. They are waiting for the day when their body looks the way they want it to in order to feel better about themselves. In the meantime they criticize their bodies and feel anxious about what they eat.

Many people, particularly women focus on changing their bodies when what they really want is to feel differently about themselves -- to feel sensual, attractive, confident, light, graceful, elegant, or sexy. But you can feel any or all of those things without changing your body.

It's true anyone can feel light, graceful, and sexy at any size, shape, or body weight. I'm sure you've seen women who carry themselves with great dignity and beauty who are no where close to the ideal supermodel or barbie-doll size. What is their secret? They feel good about themselves. They feel sexy inside. You know they feel that way by how they carry themselves and by how they speak. Have you noticed that when people feel beautiful and sexy, they look beautiful and sexy?

Visualize Yourself Feeling the Way You Want to Feel

One way to feel the way you want to feel is to imagine or visualize yourself that way. Really let yourself see, smell, hear, touch, and feel yourself the way that you would want to feel. Don't focus on how you want to look, but on how you want to feel. Focus on the feeling of lightness or solidness, of feeling sexy or graceful. Notice what it's like to feel this way, what you do, and how you interact with people when you feel this way.

Try an Exercise to Bring Yourself Into Your Body the Way You Want To

Try one or both of the following exercies to increase your ability to feel the way you want to in your body - or skip over them to the rest of the article.