Anger is an explosive volcano shaking, churning, preparing to erupt. The boiling lava deep at its core, emotions that activate the aggravated, animated and annihilating rages of anger thatare felt to the very core. Core of the earth, core of the soul, anger often appears when we least feel whole.
Unmet needs, unnutured child or children inside bobbing and weaving from the anger they are trying to hide. When I have needs I feel angry because I hurt very much and feeling needy triggers me back to so much of my past.
Whenever I needed when I was young I was punished, yelled at abused and left virtually alone. My needs were not met. I was treated worse than the average household pet. So how do I go about expressing and meeting those needs today when they hurt and that angers me in a very big way?
There are millions of less than positive ways that I have and do at times still try to meet those needs in a rather circuitous fashion. This only serves to see the anger build in me. Anger must be released for when we keep it inside it grows and grows into a mountainous volcanic beast.
For me, a lot of what seems to "make me angry" tends to do so because it hurts. The struggle seems to be about expectation the sense that when I expect something and it doesn't happen I can feel hurt. When I feel hurt I may feel extremely vulnerable. If I feel vulnerable, whether extreme or not; I am anger!
What is this powerful force inside. Where is it coming from and in the light of day where does it hide? Was "I-anger"bornout of abuse? Do "I-anger" exist on my own? Do you ever feel like by anger you have been totally over thrown? "I-anger"Ilove to build up as high as I can from the depths of your being. Interesting how on the surface it is only the depression you are seeing, wonder why? To me, "anger"you are closing your eyes.
Poor little child, so abused, torn, tattered and defiled. Poor little one still in the battle and the war has been fought and won. How do we reach deep down and bring the inner-child, or the littles inside to the here and now? This is a process filled with grief and the little ones love to cry and cry and scream and scream to gain now, what was needed in the past, such precious relief.
Unmanaged anger is not a friend, however anger that is respected, validated and managed appropriately in the here and now is the fuel, the fire, the action seed. It is what tells us that we must do and attend to all that we need. Anger has always been a primary motivating force in my healing journey. Now that I am in touch with so much pain and grief, at so many different levels of self, contained in so many parts of self, I consider this anger to be a tremendous source of soulfully integrating wealth.
Anger felt and worked through as pain and loss gives us the energy flow to change and to grow, it is lightening, firtilizing our soul...enabling us to become more fully whole.
© 1996 A.J. Mahari
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