While most people are not attracted to people of the same sex, the outright disgust and fear that many people harbor for homosexual acts is instilled in them from a very young age by our society. If society stopped teaching people to revile homosexuality, most heterosexuals would view homosexuality the way that homosexuals view heterosexuality: something that just doesn't interest them.

Since the vast majority of people are heterosexual, learning to hate homosexuality causes them little if any internal conflict- at least until their friends and loved ones come out. But for those of us who are lesbian, society's teachings cause much conflict internally. Unlike everyone else, from the day we realize that we are gay, our attempts to process society's antigay attitude leads to emotional conflict and psychological damage. Plus, we feel compelled to keep our conflict a secret.

Society teaches us that there are grave consequences for us if we do not keep our sexuality hidden, that we will pay a price if we come out of the closet. We are threatened with the destruction of our livelihood, our lives, and even our souls. We are made to believe that we may put our very lives in danger.

Staying in the closet, on the other hand, is rewarded in our society. Lesbians learn that if they want to be loved by family and friends, and if they want to make it in business and career, they must pretend to be heterosexuals. The closet is thus firmly embedded in all of our cultural, political, and social institutions. It exists at home, at work, at school, and even on television. For most of us, there is no escaping its overwhelming power.

In that way, the stress that the closet imposes on each of us as individuals cannot be over-estimated. It often robs us of a happy, fulfilling life, forcing us to live a lie and tremble with fear, afraid that we will one day be exposed. Put simply, the closet is dangerous, and staying inside can often lead to dire consequences."

From the book: "Outing Yourself", by Michealangelo Signorile

With regard to the nature of what the dominate culture in society puports as "normal" and or "acceptable", this often leaves us as lesbians, feeling as if we don't measure up or as if we don't fit in. This, if left to go unchecked inside of ourselves, can cause us to loathe ourselves in the name of the values and attitudes and opinions of others. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth this price. It is too high a price to pay and it is up to each of us to form the kind of community that ensures that we do not have to stay in a place of self-loathing anymore.

© December 1996, A.J. Mahari